Rain, rain, go away

Put a call into the Nuerosurgeon today to get the scoop on a timeline of when to expect a call back. They said by the week's end. So -- that's that for now. Looking forward to hearing from their office so that I can continue my journey of figuring out all of this. On a positive note, I joined a few "Chiari Forums" for those who have experienced my symptoms and I am happy to see that I have people who understand me & what I'm going through.

No matter what the circumstances, I miss fitness & exercise. I feel like a part of me has been destroyed because I love going for jogs, lifting weights, participating in group activities that are "fitness based" and now... I'm forced to only minimal activity. I have begun to change my eating habits around so that I will still see a decline in the scale. I look forward to taking walks with Coletta (my German Shepherd) & hopefully will not see a further decline in muscle weakness.

A part of me wants to try and push it with exercise, maybe just a 1-mile jog wouldn't be so bad? But I won't allow myself, because I honestly cannot take a worsening of symptoms! Today, isn't so bad. I have the stiff neck & stiff shoulders, but no 'pounding' headache *knock on wood*. I am VERY fatigued though, which is somewhat odd to me since I had 8-9 hours of sleep last night.

With my freezing of school classes and my lowering my clientel base with my business, I figured this time is better than any to pick up sewing again. I'm nervous that my hand/eye coordination will drive me nuts, but if I stay with simple projects (i.e. pants/skirts/etc) then I should be OK. Many people have told me that "God will never give me something that I can't handle" and "Things happen for a reason"... I do believe this. However, it is much easier said then experienced.

Never Give Up

Run when you can, walk when you have to, crawl if you must. Just never give up.

Busy day tomorrow at the Studio, so I'm really hoping for a solid night's sleep and pressure in my head/neck/shoulders to be lessened when I wake up in the AM. Waiting for the call from the Nuerosurgeon to see how we go forth from here.

Life Altering

As I look back on my latest post written on June 11, 2010 - it all starts to come together. The weakness, the fatigue, depression, headaches, nausea, the loss of motor skills, falling, dropping things, numbness, feeling cold all the time... welcome to my life - Chiari.

In fact, Chiari has most likely been with me my entire life but it decided to absolutely deter my life through symptoms within the past 1-2 months and has caused me to look and demand for answers. Throughout the past couple of months, I have been told that Anemia (low-iron), stress, tension, and just a "bug" have been the cause of all of my symptoms. However, a trip to the walk-in clinic and a doctor prescribing a CT Scan has turned my life around.

In the midst of summer classes and overwhelming interest in my business, Chiari - you have not come at the most opportune time. The headaches feel like someone is pounding the back of my head -- I have to leave social settings and relax in dark rooms so that I don't get so nauseas that I vomit. The dark rooms and my symptoms have taken the light from my smile and replaced it with a fake one because who can honestly be truely happy when you feel this bad? I laugh, and it hurts worse. I cry, and it hurts worse. I have become somewhat apathetic to be honest. Casually smiling at something so funny that I would usually end up tearing up from.

I have only told close friends and family about my new friend, Chiari, because I don't want people to feel "bad" for me. I'm a strong person -- so I will get through this, but it's just a pretty significant obstacle. I can't exercise (which if you know me, is my life) -- so I live vicariously through my clients. I feel helpless at times when I start to think about it, because I'm just waiting for doctors to tell me my next move.

So far my timeline has looked like this:

Walk-in clinic --> CT Scan --> Referred to nuerologist & MRI --> Referred to nuerosurgeon

So that's where we stand at this moment. I assume a nuerosurgeon will show me some options and go through all of my symptoms. I have been writing them down daily so that I can show him that Chiari has incapitacted my life, from work to school, to social life and beyond.

I hope to find others who have the same diagnosis as I do. I can usually play on the computer for hours, and now with these headaches, I'm down to about 10-20 minutes max at a time.

Irony

It has been one of those days where one constantly thinks of the past. Not in a bad or good way. Just thinking about life -- and how different things are compared to then. Then you start to think about how you are happy now, but reflect on the idea that you 'thought' you were happy back then too. So which happy is the 'right' happy? I don't think reflecting on the past means that you are unsatisfied with the life you have right now. I believe it's good to look back and reflect on your old boyfriends/girlfriends, your old friends, your old memories. Without those "old" things -- you wouldn't be you, and your life today wouldn't exist.

I enjoy being a busy person and I enjoy challenges -- but I have felt weak and hopeless more in the last week then I have in a while. Weak more so because I don't have the energy that I had before -- whether it's because I've taken on more responsibility now or because of a lack of sleep. I don't feel as "bubbly" as I used to be -- but it's not because I'm not happy. I'm nervous that I'll lose my goofiness self and remain serious, boring, and uninteresting. I really don't want to be the too serious part. I'm hoping that I can get my 'required studies' out of the way in order to let loose a little bit. It would be good for my soul, my mind, and my body.

Cheers to a good week & an even better weekend~

True Bliss is Internal Peace

Word of the Day: Peace

It's been a little while since I've posted - I've been trying to remain busy and productive with school and the Business. We are now approaching the Holiday week with Thanksgiving in a few days. I will be celebrating Thanksgiving in a much different way this year - but I will get to that shortly.

This weekend was a fun one: Friday evening was not very eventful but it was a much needed down-time. On Saturday morning, I had my Body Sculpting class, one client, and then did a 3-mile Walk around Crescent Lake Park with a few clients who wanted to "test" out the distance. Afterwards- I was literally just exhausted. Oddly though- because prior to the walk, I had lots of energy. After I got home, I relaxed and took a light nap before going out for the night. It was Monica's 25th Birthday - one of my closest girlfriends.. and she wanted to celebrate before honkey-tonkey'ing it at the Waterin' Trough. It was a good time. I saw many faces that I haven't been able to see lately. However, I didn't pull back into my house until 2:00am and I had the 5K Run with my clients in the AM. WOW... sleep is overrated...

5:45am I barely was able to roll outta bed, get dressed and start prepping for the event. I met my clients at 6:30am near the race start. There were 13 of them. I was sooo proud of all of them for being able to complete the event.. everyone was able to finish under 1 hour. I also had two clients who were doing the Half Marathon! You go girls!

By the time 9pm rolled around on Sunday evening - I was beyond ready for sleep but school stuff prevailed unfortunately. Now it's Monday ~ and I received an email this AM from my horoscope that read "True Bliss is Internal Peace"... this is soooo true. When you are happy with yourself within - everything else that may seem to be going wrong just isn't so bad.

I try to tell my clients that sometimes they need to work on their INSIDE before they can begin to work on their OUTSIDE fitness. Inside meaning the mental and emotional portion of their health. Getting rid of stress, relaxing at times and being in a stable relationship.. can all contribute to getting off the extra pounds when one starts a regimen.

This week - Danny and I will be heading to Branson, Missouri - we will be taking my Grandma there to see her brother and sister (my aunt and uncle). We leave Wednesday AM and we will be back around Sunday PM. The drive will be LONG but in the end - it will be worth it! :) I'm sad that I'll be missing the holidays with my parents and sisters but I think that this trip will be so good for my Grandma.

Until next time....

Sundays

Jack and I on our way to a wedding 2 weeks ago. Danny's driving!

Word of the Day: Productive

Ok- so productive is somewhat true. I have been absolutely blasted with schoolwork, and it's not that my teachers are so horrible that they bombarded me with an endless amount, but rather, I've been slacking. OK- so I admit it, and now I must move forward...

So I've been productive in clearing out my homework to-do list. And with just trying to become organized in all aspects of my life.

The week begins tomorrow-- bright and early with 5:30am Boot Camp. Wee! I honestly look forward to my Boot Camp groups - they make it worth my while to train them. I am hoping that I get more and more to sign up because I feel that Boot Camp is an EXCELLENT way to train. Hell, I'd even take Boot Camp!

So this week- Danny's schedule is a little odd, but that's ok... it'll give me more time to focus on my schoolwork and my business side-work (such as client programs, etc) -- not that he takes away my focus, but when we have time to spend together, we simply like to ENJOY our time together rather than watch one another work. It also means that during the day, I will be heading to the gym solo (which is GOOD too). Our workout routine has been going great together and we're both losing pounds/inches and getting closer through it all.

No new clients over the weekend, but I honestly didn't push for it. I did have two clients sign up on Saturday (after trying it out last week) so that was successful. Once Wednesday rolls around, I'll be doing flyers. I'm going to flyer some houses near the studio and perhaps mail out some to a list that I've been generating over time. My goal is to go into December with at least 20 girls signed up in my Boot Camp groups. Right now, I'm at: 10-12 girls with a couple of them *possibly* joining.

Bucs won today -- very pumped about that. I just feel bad for them... they get harped on like crazy, but it's tough to reassemble a team and start making progress. I feel like the Bucs in a way. My business is new - I make mistakes all the time - and I'm trying to learn from them on a daily basis, and I still get up every morning and practice. Game days = pay days. I gotta pay the bills, and I gotta support myself... thus, with no good games (clients) - I fail. So here's to the Bucs, for kicking butt today and even if it's your only win this season, I'm still a fan <3

Until then...

Follow me...

Word of the Day: Overwhelmed

How does one get on the right page? How does one know if they are doing all that they can do? Sleep doesn't come so easily for me any longer. But I have never been happier in my life - so it's a bittersweet feeling. I have found that I most likely have adult ADD (or perhaps just a lot on my plate), but I will begin on 1 thing and shift gears so quick to the next thing. To-Do lists only get longer and more stressful and I find that writing them actually takes a considerable amount of time. I adore my actual planner and cannot get used to plugging in events into my Black Berry. Call me old school.

Business: I have felt more frustration as a business owner this week, more than any other, with 5-6 clients just "not showing" up. I adore my clients and I want the best for them, but when they simply don't show up, I'm wasting my time. Emergencies are one thing but just not showing, forgetting, too tired - those are all something else. It certainly gives me an appreciate for other service industries. I'm going to be implementing a policy where if they don't cancel 24-hr ahead of time, they forfeit their session. In addition, if I miss a session for whatever reason, they get a free one on me. That way, they will see that I'm not harping on them, but rather trying to help them.

Personal: Danny and I have begun a workout regimen -- since I am more free during the day, I have time to market and get in some personal time that I have been lacking so much. I believe that's where the "happier than ever" statement comes into play because I honestly enjoy doing things other than working and socializing at night with friends. I like taking walkes, playing with my dogs, going to the gym, sitting at SBux and reading the paper. Those things are my ways of relaxing. I hope to take up Bellydancing and get back into sewing as well. I feel that it is SO important for us, as human beings, to not only center our life around work. Granted, I adore my work and I look forward to going there everyday -- but there's more to life than work. I have honestly never been as "strapped for cash" in my lifetime, but I'm doing things I love to do. Now, if I don't start making some money quickly - then there will be issues!

Passion: Which always brings me back to writing... whether if it's in journal form or informative... I want to write a few books and perhaps begin a magazine. My life would then be complete. I'd give up lattes for it even. I'd give up lattes and my Black Berry.... ooohh, my heart hurts just thinking like that...

Until then...