07.31.2010

It was a busy morning. I slept through most of the night, only waking up once or twice. I knew I was going to have a busy morning because I had two classes (Boot Camp & Body Sculpting) followed by a mock obstacle course race for my clients. My boyfriend, Danny, set it up for me and it consisted of everything from army crawls to hurdles. The girls loved it! ♥

We had: Crab walks, army crawls under a mesh net, quickfeet tire runs, flipping the 300lb tire twice, weaving through cones, cinderblock hop (laid out cinderblocks and they had to jump from one to the next), rope jumps, hurdles, and an agility (shuffle, backwards run, shuffle) drill with about roughly 2 miles of running.

The moment it was done, stress was released, but then I got a horrible headache. I came back home, and laid down and slept for another 2 hours or so. I'm beginning to feel my stamina build back up, but I just get so sleepy so quickly.

Having some difficulty figuring out my class schedule for next semester. I had to take a medical leave during the Summer, but I need to take at least 9 credit hours to remain on my parent's insurance plan, especially with the chances of having to get surgery in the near future being so high. I would typically be totally fine to take classes but I started to see my grades dropping because of the memory loss, the blanking out, the horrible headaches throughout classes, etc. My parents told me to take only 1 "harder" class and then 2 "fillers" just to get through the semester. So I started looking at what they offer. I do WANT to learn and it kills me that I can't be a normal student and take my required courses.

Danny's aunt has some connections up in Pennsylvania for a Chiari specialist, so I'm going to be sending her over my records/reports and see what he thinks. The fact that I'm so symptomatic and they aren't really budging is starting to make me nervous. I am trying SO hard to remain optimistic. At the studio, I try to act like I'm feeling 150% good. I smile, laugh, and... then go home and let it all out, either with tears, or emotion. It's a horrible cycle. I don't feel as though I'm being FAKE, but I'm trying so hard to push through the fatigue. When I find myself jumbling words and slurring, it's embarrasing. I hate looking at my client who has been coming for 1-2 months, and not even being able to call her by name because I "forgot". And the more my clients improve, I'm soooo proud of them, but then I take a step back, and I wonder... "will I be able to do that ever again?"... going from the 'best shape of your life' to not even being able to curl 5lbs more than 5 times is devastating. But you know what... I will beat this...F' U' Chiari.